This is a reflection I have been working on since right before Mother's Day. I am always a little nervous about posts like this, but after re-reading it about a thousand times, I feel okay to post it. I want to have a record of these feelings for those days when my "job" is not a perfect one.
I don’t get into the fuss of Mother’s Day. I feel bad when I make the decisions about what everyone has to do that day, or make my husband feel like he has to make me breakfast, buy me something, etc. I think I get that from my mom. She always used to tell us that all she wanted for Mother’s Day was to not have to fuss at us or ask us to clean up. I don’t think she ever got a Mother’s Day while we were all younger with that request coming true. I find myself telling my kids the same thing.
I understand now why that was her Mother’s Day request. It would be the BEST gift of all. Mother’s LOVE being mother’s. They love taking care of their family, doing things for and with their kids; but they HATE being the bad guy. I HATE having to fuss to get my kids to clean up their toys or to stop picking on each other. It is in those frustrating moments of stubbing your toe on another toy, or hearing the yells over who had it first; that you lose the joy of being a Mother.
I’ve read a few things out there about being a mom, since our media is bombarded with “mom” stuff as we near Mother’s Day. One being “why being a mother is referred to as a job.” I have to admitt I didn't actual read the article just the title and it got me thinking. So, this is why I think about it. The reason we have referred to motherhood as a job, is because that is what helps others understand it. We have become a society that bases a person worth by how much money they make, or what they do. I saw on the news were some kind of financial advisors took into account all that a mother does, hours worked, and what some jobs are paying right now; they estimated that mothers would get paid over $160,000! John and I laughed, if I made that he could quit his job!
Even though we still try and put a price on what a mother is worth, I think things have gotten better. I remember the slack my mom got for being an at home mom. People really thought she just sat there watching soaps all day. When she would mention she was an at home mom, the mood was as if she didn’t know anything, couldn’t get a “real” job, or a tone like “I’m sorry your stuck at home with kids. So, we started referring to being a mom as a job. To help people understand what an important role mothers play in our society. I’m glad society has changed some. I don’t think I would have been as nice as she was. I never heard her make a response to people when their attitudes didn’t reflect what an awesome “job” being an at home mother is. Now, it seems like everyone is a super at home mom. They are praised and admired by many. And moms that work, well they are even more admired for doing it all. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and have A LOT of admiration for those that are still doing it!
When I got pregnant for the first time, I really thought I HAD to be an at home mom. That was how I was raised and I liked how I was raised. John, was a little jealous at the idea that I would get to spend so much time with the kids and he would be stuck at work. Well, it didn’t work out for me to stay at home in the beginning. So, for 6 years I taught middle school while being a mom to my very quickly growing family. I enjoyed working and tried really hard to make sure to have "quality" time with the kids. Now, I am able to enjoy staying at home. It has really helped, since after a year of this I don’t remember how we were able to do it with me working! I say "we" because raising this family is a team effort. John is a great husband and really does help, even now. He understands the true meaning of being an at home mom, even though he does tease me about sitting on the couch all day eating bonbons and watching my shows. He knows that things are busy, crazy, and stressful. He understands that I am still helping out of family even though I’m not bringing home a paycheck.
Being a mother, being an at home mom is not a job. It only feels like a job when we are unhappy with things. It’s a job when you are continuously having to say or pick up toys. It’s a job when you have kids that are constantly fighting and tattle-telling. It’s a job when the laundry is piled higher than your child. It’s a job when you have to go grocery shopping, especially when you have to bring said fighting kids. Just like a “normal” job, it’s only work when it is hard. I loved teaching, but it was work when my students were not understanding or cared about learning anything and let's not even mention all the paper work. Hence, a mother's number one request on mother's day is for her family to just let her be a mom without all the "work".
I LOVE being a mom. I’m trying to be better at it. I took notes from a very awesome mom and she will even admit she didn't/doesn't know it all. It is a constant journey of trying to figure out how best to deal with situations as your family changes. Just like being married, being a mom is a commitment you have to make every day. You will always love your kids, but sometimes you don’t always like what choices they make, or attitudes they have. As a mom you have to see past all that and keep going. You have to work to build relationships, to teach, to care for, to inspire, to mold, to help, to listen, to just be there for every step in your child’s life. And yes, sometimes it is WORK. Very HARD WORK! Then there are other times that makes you forget about the “work”. I know that this journey, this job, this blessing never ends no matter how old they get; I am forever a mother. I am forever blessed with a wonderful job- Motherhood.
